It sets you thinking....

In Nicholas Sparks' novels, one of the 2 just has to die, usually in a tragic and unexpected manner. I totally wouldn't expect anyone to die in 'At First Sight' but my tears just flowed when Lexie died totally unexpectedly.
I wearily look at 'Message in the bottle' and 'The Notebook'. Intense,touching,beautiful love that suddenly blooms outta nowhere and with that...Hades got jealous and brings death to either 1.

I am still pending for photos from Vonx and so I decided to write about something else.
Actually not. I have this sneezly virus trapped in my nose and my brain just seems watery,if not hollow.

I thought of romance,love and marraige. How can these 3 which are so closely related and then human eventually makes it mutually exclusive?
When I read about love in novels, I have the impression that love is something that can happened in a minute and last a life time. Yes, it is responsibility but the feelings are more important.
Then there are so many types of love. For me, I face 2 kinds.

I have a love that is at first sight. It happened to me twice or trice and each time is hard. People call it crush or infatuation, I would like to think mine is love. To me, a love that happens at first sight is fatal, important and almost ever lasting.
The sad news is this kinda love didn't seem to fancy me much. I didn't fight for it (much) either. And when I want to fight for it, the timing is all so wrong.

Then I choose to learn another way of love. A love that is more of a responsibility, a habit, a commitment. I love him cos' he is good to me and for me. I love him cos' time brings me to a level whereby he is part of my life. I love him cos' it seems to be the right thing to do now and then. I love him cos' I know he loves me.

There would inevitably be a sense of something missing in the latter. It always has been there and I can't figure where is the missing puzzle. I thought I can't figure.

I pray day after day. I pray that I will love him all my life. I pray that nothing will set us apart. I just wanna love someone like him all my life. It may not happen at first sight but I thought I would be happy, blissful and is lucky to have such love. At least I am loved.

Y'know...People of my age, my era start to marry. Maybe not children yet but married. It sets me thinking eventually...Why have I not?
If you take into account of the length of my current relationship, why have I not even get engaged?
While I am not one that takes the society standards that seriously but is something not happening?

No. I don't wanna get married now nor be engaged. I would be scared. I only wanna marry the one I know I truely love and now I don't even know if I really know who is the one I love.
I am not saying I do not love Jason. Loving Jason is easy as it comes but there is still something that is not there.

This is an age whereby love matters? When I reached my late 20s (fuck, I can't believe I am now classify under mid 20s! FUCK! I didn't realised this until I typed.) to 30s, probably love doesn't matter that much? Marragie matters and then it is important to find someone who will love you and treats you well?

Why not look into the long run and get such men now?(If you are not lucky enough to have the one that you love?)
To me, that is rather mind disturbing. Do I really wanna lead that life? Is it fair to anyone?

Is it fair?

Tell me that you love me, tell me that you care.
Tell me that you need me and I'll be there.
I'll be there with you.
- Jacky Cheung